Outta the Blue

Apparently, my desire to keep a weekly updated page on my fitness journey failed really hard. But I thought i'd drop back in and relive some of my moments from the past few weeks!

Let's see...where did I leave off?

Well, shit, that was a long time ago!! I've come a really long way since February and I am pretty damn proud of myself. As of last week, I have lost a total of 32 lbs! Can you even believe it? Because I'm having a really hard time believing it...it's really hard to realize that there was 32 pounds on my body in the first place. 

To give you some perspective:

This was me in December, when I really started realizing that I was big. If you remember or checked out my first post on this page, here, you'll remember I caught you up on my battle with fitness and my weight. I've really struggled with it! But I'm pretty proud of where I've come, from 217lbs in February to 185 lbs in May!

In these past few months, I've really tested my boundaries. At first, I really shied away from a lot of group activities, including the happy hours our group likes to do, because I hadn't mastered my will power and I wasn't comfortable talking to people about my weight and my decision to join this weight loss challenge. It can be really awkward to talk to people about your weight and your challenges! It was really personal at first...I didn't like recognizing just what I had become. But now I find it easier to face the music and accept responsibility for my physical state. After all, there's nobody to blame but yourself and there's nobody to help you but yourself.

Since mastering control and will power, I start exercising other aspects of dieting and fitness. I pushed my limits on the treadmill and found I actually enjoy the feeling of HIIT, or High Intensity Interval Training. I like seeing just how fast my legs can carry me and for how long. I find the feeling of the blood pounding in my face and the rivers of sweat rolling down my back...to me, that's progress. I literally imagine the calories rolling off my body and that's a really cool feeling! I've tried a variety of other activities as well, from biking and the Elliptical to my new ass-kicker, the Arc Trainer. That thing kills me.  

In the past month or so, I've really gotten into what I've dubbed my Daily Doubles. I like to get up at 4:30 am and hit the gym then double back after work and work a little more. I found it really helped propel me forward in my fitness goals. I've also learned what not to do...which is go really hard into HIIT and not learning how to properly stretch! I suffered from some major shin splints for about 3 weeks and was unable to run for that time! I'm slowly getting back into it as of last week and am so glad! I forgot how awesome it is! But now I take time to wrap my shins and stretch after my warm up and after I finish. It's really important!

So now I have reached the last 2 weeks in this challenge. May 30th is our last weigh in and I'm really terrified (so much exasperation from my boyfriend) about winning. See, I'm jaded because I participated in a weight loss challenge in Oregon a few years back and came in a close second...so this time (although it's totally different people) I challenged myself to get first! As of last week, I think I am in first but it can't help to further myself and try harder!

This week, I plan on being smart about it and not overdoing myself. I wanted to hit the gym tonight (after getting an ass kicking this morning on the Arc Trainer) but I failed to wash my sports bra...and when you only have one that you haven't washed in a few days...well you get the picture. 

Wish me luck on the rest of my adventure! I promise to post some final pictures of not only myself, but of my friend Melissa who has been right by my side this whole time! Her support and enthusiasm has really been awesome to have. I am so proud of her and her journey, plus dedication to our insane morning workouts! 

Pre-Game Day

In just a few short hours, I will embark on the second weight loss challenge of my life. I think I'm the most ready I've ever been for this.  

The first time I participate in a weight loss challenge was about 3 years ago, the year I live at home in Portland. At the time, I didn't do much besides work 2 jobs, work out hard core and sleep. I remember it was a lot of hard work, patience and dedication, but in the end it was worth it! I got second place overall but first for the women. It was absolutely worth it.

As I sit here thinking about the next 3 months, I get nervous. Will I be able to work as hard and accomplish as much this year? I'm older now, smarter when it comes to fitness and health and have experienced enough to know my limits. Will it makes it any easier?

Then I look at what I once was and what I have reached today and I'm more motivated than ever:

Year: 2011
Age: 23
Weight: 160 lbs
Pant Size: 8-10

Year: 2013

Age: 25

Weight: 200 lbs

Pants Size: 16

It's honestly really hard to look at these pictures right now. I see someone completely different then when I look in the mirror. Sure, there are parts of me that I notice are larger than I'm used to, but I don't see what I see in that picture. I have a hard time wanting to be in pictures. I look at myself 3 years ago and I realize that, while it was really hard work and I had to give up some of my favorite foods, I was much happier with myself. I felt like I could literally do anything. 

Unfortunately, I think how I see myself in the mirrors and pictures from the past few months, is how I see myself in real life, in my abilities to be successful...a failure. I know it sounds harsh, but I had accomplished so much towards my physical fitness and health and then I feel like I just threw it all away, slowly, over the past 3 years. 

But luckily, I have forgiven myself. I have spent the past few months thinking a lot about how I got to this point and what I need to do to move forward. I have realized my triggers and come to terms with what I have let myself do. Now I think it's time to move on, to start the journey to better myself. And I will not let myself down.

I need to head into tomorrow with a positive and bright attitude. I'm exciting to feel good and to feel comfortable. I'm ready to be confident again. 

But I'm ready. So, so ready.