Sunday, February 2, 2014

Pre-Game Day

In just a few short hours, I will embark on the second weight loss challenge of my life. I think I'm the most ready I've ever been for this.  

The first time I participate in a weight loss challenge was about 3 years ago, the year I live at home in Portland. At the time, I didn't do much besides work 2 jobs, work out hard core and sleep. I remember it was a lot of hard work, patience and dedication, but in the end it was worth it! I got second place overall but first for the women. It was absolutely worth it.

As I sit here thinking about the next 3 months, I get nervous. Will I be able to work as hard and accomplish as much this year? I'm older now, smarter when it comes to fitness and health and have experienced enough to know my limits. Will it makes it any easier?

Then I look at what I once was and what I have reached today and I'm more motivated than ever:

Year: 2011
Age: 23
Weight: 160 lbs
Pant Size: 8-10

Year: 2013
Age: 25
Weight: 200 lbs
Pants Size: 16

It's honestly really hard to look at these pictures right now. I see someone completely different then when I look in the mirror. Sure, there are parts of me that I notice are larger than I'm used to, but I don't see what I see in that picture. I have a hard time wanting to be in pictures. I look at myself 3 years ago and I realize that, while it was really hard work and I had to give up some of my favorite foods, I was much happier with myself. I felt like I could literally do anything. 

Unfortunately, I think how I see myself in the mirrors and pictures from the past few months, is how I see myself in real life, in my abilities to be successful...a failure. I know it sounds harsh, but I had accomplished so much towards my physical fitness and health and then I feel like I just threw it all away, slowly, over the past 3 years. 

But luckily, I have forgiven myself. I have spent the past few months thinking a lot about how I got to this point and what I need to do to move forward. I have realized my triggers and come to terms with what I have let myself do. Now I think it's time to move on, to start the journey to better myself. And I will not let myself down.

I need to head into tomorrow with a positive and bright attitude. I'm exciting to feel good and to feel comfortable. I'm ready to be confident again. 

But I'm ready. So, so ready. 

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